A Cure

Today I stumbled across a cure. A cure for cancer? No. A cure for the common cold? No. A cure for AIDS? No. Not even a cure for the fact that just about every hit from the 90's is bound to be stuck in your head for at least a week. The cure I have found my friends is a cure for the nagging guilt you get in the back of your head when you feel the urge to drink at a socially unacceptable hour of the day. What is this cure you ask? Well friend, the cure I speak of is Newman's Own wine. So, instead of thinking "Well golly gee self, its only noon. Surely I can't have a drink now. What would the neighbors think of me?!" just crack open a bottle of your favorite Newman's Own wine, drink up and piss off the balcony at 2pm on a weekday. If those pesky neighbors or even a judgmental passer by have anything to say just look them in the eye and say "I'm fucking drunk for charity! What have YOU done for society lately, bitch?!"